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Subject: Re: You're A Winner<br>
To: 2222travel@aol.com, traveler_54@hotmail.com<br>
From: Jonathan Land <jland@incomplete.net><br>
Date: 04/22/2001<br>
<br>
<p class="call">
Sign back up for your free Vacation Package for two. Congratulations,
you are a winner for one of our fantastic Vacation Packages. Your called about your tickets within 7-10 days. You must click on the link below and fill out the information exactly as it will appear on your tickets. You may leave the second party blank if you are not sure who will be going with you but you must contact us via telephone at least 10 days prior to departure with the second passenger's name. This will all be explained to you in the brochures coming out to you. If you have any questions contact me via e-mail at traveler_54@hotmail.com. Please keep in mind
that there are 50 winners of this trip and it might take me a little while to get back to you.
</p>


<p class="call">
Thanks Pete
</p>

<p class="call">
<a href="http://161.58.180.233/index.html" target="_blank">Please Click Here</a>
</p>

<blockquote>
<p class="answer">
You had me going for a while, but then your last sentence completely threw me.... 50 winners? When I win something, I want to feel special.... There's only one prom queen, NBA Champion, and Nobel Peace Prize winner within a given year. These people all must feel good about their achievements as winners. A year is a respectable amount of time for one to be a winner for.... and then you move onto the next winner, but 50 at a time? It's like my kids. If I were to have had a litter of all three at once, I wouldn't know which one to care the most about, so I couldn't possibly love any of them! But when you have them one at a time, you know that your priorities lie with the most recent child until the next one pops out. That's life.
</p>

<p class="answer">
Why should I even bother bragging about this "prize" to my underlings? My valet can be amongst 50 winners, not me. I'm a unique individual in the top percentile of all that is proper for one of my high and distinguished status. Why even tell me about the other 49 winners... I don't care about them.
</p>

<p class="answer">
I don't even dare mention this to my friends at the country club. Hell... I can't even tell the minority members of the club or the massage lady... I can't risk it getting back to someone of prominence! Thank God none of those people speak English anyway. Why me, Lord, why me?
</p>

<p class="answer">
Hell... I don't even remember signing up for this thing in the first place! Did my secretary do it? Is it some business award? Can you please refresh my memory as to why I won this? Fuck that.... tell my secretary, I don't even know how you got my home email account anyway! I'm the Executive Vice-Assistant Of Mid-Northeast Regional Sales of a Fortune 5 company... that's right: 5, no zeros. No fucking around here... screw with me, and I'll see that your entire family never has electricity again. I can do that. I'll turn you into a caveman. You'll spend your last dollar on a disposable lighter to cook the pigeons that you'll be hitting with a rock for food.
</p>

<p class="answer">
Do you need me to teach you how to run a proper contest, neophyte? I have no time for this bullshit. Why am I wasting my time on you... fuck... I can charge a fucking vacation to my company. Goddamn, you're making me mad now.
</p>

<p class="answer">
I think I went off on a slight... but very important tangent. Just remember this: I am a highly competitive person... I'd rip my own balls off with my teeth to get what I rightfully deserve.... and I deserve it all, Baby! You can see it in my eyes, my job title, the quantity of my enemies, and most importantly... my attitude. I am the fucking Chosen One.... reward me appropriately.
</p>

<p class="answer">
A prize is something that says: "let them all bask in the warm glory of my aura of specialness". I scoff at this mere offering. Really, what am I supposed to do with this....
</p>

<p class="answer">
Jonathan Land
</p>

<p class="answer">
P.S. OK, whatever, give it to me. My second passenger's name is Jennifer Lopez... you must procure her for me. If she's not available... make her available... I don't care how.
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