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<p align="right"><i><b>Author's Note: Thanks to Jeff Hobbs for being in a weakened enough state to purchase the site in question and to let me have my way with it. Thanks to  Steve Sidwell for setting it up, Jon Klein for hosting it, and of course l-dopa for their support.</b></i></p>
Subject: Re: Business Development for ehandjob.org<br>
To: Ryan Gibson <websites@modular-web.com><br>
From: Jonathan Land <jland@incomplete.net><br>
Date: 04/25/2001<br>
<br>
<p class="call">
Subject: Business Development for ehandjob.org
</p>

<p class="call">
Hello,
</p>

<p class="call">
I am writing you about ehandjob.org and would appreciate
discussing some ideas I had about building your website.
</p>

<p class="call">
Our development team is focusing on websites that are functional with
effective navigation, while customizing the brand look and feel
desired by our clients, and I thought this concept would interest you.
</p>

<p class="call">
My team of developers have completed a modular website system that
has significantly lowered the cost of websites that utilize
databases. I'm quite anxious to demonstrate this software with
ehandjob.org, and I would like to talk to you or
your webmaster.
</p>

<blockquote>
<p class="answer">
	Simply wonderful!
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I'm new to the whole e-commerce game, but I know it's an excellent way to earn a fast dollar in today's otherwise volatile economy. It's very important for me to accumulate as much of that sweet, green magic as I can with urgency to rake it in filthy hand over grubby fist, yet with discretion so as not to draw the eye of the lawman. The money will be saved for the day I burn all my bridges, relocate to the country of my mail-order-bride-to-be (saves shipping costs on getting her whole family over here, but she might be a little let down), and establish a new identity. That day is coming soon dependent on the swing and the height of the polarity of my condition.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	Don't worry I'll pay you for your services before I skip town, but I might be so giddy with excitement when the time comes you'll have to hunt me down and beat it out of me. That happens to me a lot, but I've learned to wear the disfigurement like a badge.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	So this is the plan.... and as a web professional I hope you'll steer me in the right direction on this one. I've come up with a brilliant idea for a new sexual service on the web that will make standard internet pornography look like child's play (even though something about that claim offends my common decency). The concept : Electronic Hand Jobs. Obviously this will be marketed solely towards men right now, but I don't feel so bad since women can get off by sitting on uppity washing machines, vibrating pagers and the like. Our day has come.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I know the three most important things about the net are location, location, and pornography, so I've gone ahead and snatched the domain name: ehandjobs.org. I have a little demo splash page up at http://ehandjob.org...BUT WAIT!!! Let me give you a little background first.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I think the wave of the future is something I've read up on referred to as the tactile browser plug-in (references: Science, Vol. 534, Iss. 21, pp. 34-36; Yahoo Internet World, Feb. 2001, pp 52-59; and  Playboy... I haven't read the article yet, but it's the issue with the centerfold with the huge knockers who's turned on by all the things men lie about, and is turned off by the stuff that no one would admit to in the first place.)
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I first experienced the tactile browser plug-in at a (now defunct) site called esandpaper.com. No wonder they went under, how much sandpaper can you buy? Anyhoo, they sent you a free paper overlay for your monitor that reacts to settings from the site which triggered gritty bumps to appear on the surface, sort of like tuberculosis, but useful. Then you would raise your wood to the screen to sample different sanding grains to determine the appropriate type of sandpaper you would need for a given project.  My site will be similar, but a far more pleasurable sensation would be experienced by your wood.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I'm following the RealPlayer example of giving visitors something truly crappy for free, and giving them a mind-blowingly amazing product for some coin.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	Now you can go to <b><a href="http://ehandjob.org"class="warning" target="_blank">http://ehandjob.org</a></b>to follow along. As you can see, the free version (ehandjob basic) is merely a concession. We provide an image of a tightly-gripped hand, and it's up to the visitor to break out the hole in the monitor and move. Big whoop.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	However, for $199, you can get the "ehandjob plus" package which includes the tactile plug-in (essentially a mannequin hand using "kung-fu grip" technology that will move based on commands triggered by the site with settings ranging from "we have all the time in the world, sit back and relax" up to "let's go: milk me like a cow"), and a glass cutter with complimentary circular dotted line (as currently featured on the site) for installation of the plug-in.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	We're thinking about purchasing the rights to the song "Computer Love" by Kraftwerk for our television ads, but we don't want to get ahead of ourselves.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	I think it's only right to mention that there might be some liability issues that have yet to be explored considering all users will experience irreversible monitor damage, and the "basic" users might have lacerations involving contact with jagged broken glass. Jesus, I just lost all feeling in my legs... but hey if they want to be cheap, it's on them.
</p>

<p class="answer">
	So be straight up with me... how feasible is all of this... and how successful do you think it will be?
</p>

<p class="answer">
	Looking forward to doing business with you,<br>
	Jonathan Land, President, CEO, and most importantly, Quality Assurance Tester<br>
	<b><a href="http://ehandjob.org"target="_blank" class="warning">http://ehandjob.org</a></b><br>
</p>
</blockquote>

<p class="call">
It is reasonable to say that, for most businesses, a $15,000 website
will now cost $499 to set-up and $49 per month for module updates and
hosting.
</p>

<p class="call">
Here is a list of ideas that I thought you would be interested in:
</p>

<p class="call">
- A custom website design (which involves the use of one of our
designers)
</p>

<p class="call">
- An infinite number of website pages
</p>

<p class="call">
- An ability to easily edit the content and layout of your website in
the administrative suite
</p>

<p class="call">
- A shopping cart to sell your products or services (Including
several sophisticated functions)
</p>

<p class="call">
- A classifieds section which can accept company information or
offers by website visitors (Monitored by yourself.)
</p>

<p class="call">
- A dynamic and functional site where information can be displayed,
edited, and submitted to by clients
</p>

<p class="call">
- Have marketing tools that inform and educate your clients --
features like News Pages and Newsletters, etc.
</p>

<p class="call">
- Allow your clients and audience to discuss topics on your website in
a Discussion Forum
</p>

<p class="call">
- Have a Links Page to list useful resources for your site visitors
</p>

<p class="call">
- Have a picture gallery that you or your clients can submit pictures to
</p>

<p class="call">
- An "Advertising Section", where clients can post banner
advertisements
</p>

<p class="call">
All of the tools are customizable and self-managed with an easy to
use administrative area. Our websites are ideal for a company to
lower their ongoing website management costs.
</p>

<p class="call">
Please review these packages, starting at $499 and $49 a month and
going up to $2499 and $99 a month. I would really like to be able to
work with you because I know how much you will benefit from our
website tools and design.
</p>

<p class="call">
The cost advantage of our website is that you receive software worth
thousands of dollars for a fraction of the cost on a monthly basis.
If you paid $15,000 for a site, it may be obsolete in 3 years; if you
paid $499 and $49 a month, you will save thousands!
</p>

<p class="call">
Here are quick descriptions of our module packages.
</p>

<p class="call">
1)	Package One: US $499 set-up fee, and US $49 monthly hosting
and module usage fee.
</p>

<p class="call">
<a href="http://www.modular-web.com/products/package1.html"target="_blank">http://www.modular-web.com/products/package1.html</a>
</p>

<p class="call">
2)	Package Two: US $1199 set-up fee, and US $69 monthly hosting
and a module usage fee.
</p>

<p class="call">
<a href="http://www.modular-web.com/products/package2.html"target="_blank">http://www.modular-web.com/products/package2.html</a>
</p>

<p class="call">
3)	Package Three: US $2,499 set-up fee, and US $99 monthly
hosting and a module usage fee.
</p>

<p class="call">
<a href="http://www.modular-web.com/products/package3.html"target="_blank">http://www.modular-web.com/products/package3.html</a>
</p>

<p class="call">
I believe that our module-based website service would benefit
ehandjob.org.  I would be pleased to answer any of your
questions - just let me know when and where to call.
</p>

<p class="call">
Here are a few reference sites of our .com clients:
</p>

<p class="call">
Worldofsoccer<br>
Italianbb<br>
Marketmap<br>
</p>

<p class="call">
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
</p>

<p class="call">
Sincerely,
</p>

<p class="call">
Ryan Gibson<br>
Sales and Marketing Manager<br>
</p>

<p class="call">
Modular Websites<br>
Suite 800-885 Dunsmuir Street<br>
Vancouver, BC V6C 1N5<br>
Tel. 604-687-0288<br>
Fax. 604-687-7617<br>
</p>


<p class="call">
If you feel this message has been sent to you in error or you are not
the owner of ehandjob.org please reply to this message with remove
in the subject heading or the appropriate contact information. This
proposal is confidential and should not be distributed to anyone
other than the rightful owner of ehandjob.org.
</p>

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